Don't just take my word for it-- here are some very serious testimonials from very serious customers:

"The only thing I don't like about these candles is the mouthfeel."

-Trusted source

"If I leave a bad review, does that mean I get more candles?"

-Member of the Luminis Discord server

"Stop buying candles"

-Text message from the concerned parent of a regular customer

"I want to preface with... I absolutely adore [Gideon]. Xe is a master of sneefs. ...unfortunately that also means xe is a master of shitpost sneefs such as the beef jerky tealight monstrosity that arrived with my order today."

-Tweet from a Luminis Discord member

"How many cursed candles are hidden in this one?"

-Anxious query from a customer's family upon receiving an order

"Okay but the worms smell like dirt. The GOOD kind of dirt, not the nasty dirt."

-Customer's roommate

Plus, a selection of real product reviews:

It's dirt! It's DIRT!!!
literally smells like dirt, I don't know what wizardry went into it, but by gods...it's dirt and I cannot explain it.

-Review of Worms That Smell Like Dirt

Absolutely awful. Just terrible. As abrasive and grumpy as its namesake. Don't buy this one. Just pretend it doesn't exist. I'm totally not saying that because I want to hoard them all for myself, why would you possibly think that?

-Review of A Legacy Entrusted: Emet-Selch

It Has Vibes

-Review of Shadow and Shade: Ultima Thule

Sure is a Squape.

Buy if: You like Squapes, Grapes, Squares, Square Enix, or the occasional round fruit.
Don't buy if: you hate grapes. I mean come on.

-Review of SQUAPES

So deliciously good smelling that a Registered Nurse tried to lick them.

-Review of Peak Condensation

Just the right amount of a depression scent. Every time I smell it I get the strangest urge to listen to an old time radio. 🤔

-Review of White Snow, Black Steel

ryne is one of my favourites, in and out of the game. i own two of her candles, several snap bars, and as many tarts as i was allowed to buy. i will probably buy more. smells like a perfect almond latte sweeter than any dentist would be comfortable with, and it is strong! i left my jacket on top of an open candle vessel once and it smelled like coffee for a week, it was the best thing.

-Review of Coffee Biscuit

This smells gay. Not like *points to Swashbuckler* gay but. Gay. Like [redacted] if he cared. Like.... Glitter and mustache.

-Review of Glib Tongue